why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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