I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
