Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
