i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
