My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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