im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
