What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
