# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
