You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize