You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
