they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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