I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
