The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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