please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
