dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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