we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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