I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is Oprah even human
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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