we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
