hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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