Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
