Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
