Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
