I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize