I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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