I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just found puke in my bra..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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