I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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