This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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