I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
