when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
