No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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