They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
