So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
