you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
