Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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