I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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