Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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