Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
