Umm I'm too high to move.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We left the knife in your bed.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
