I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
