My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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