Barsexuality is the new black.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
my being single is dangerous.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
