at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
