last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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