I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
