so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
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i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
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Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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