Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
