Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The best revenge is premature balding
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
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Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
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Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.