He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...