what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
