It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
