i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
