You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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