oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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