this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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