Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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