What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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