My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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