Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
this just has baby written all over it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
