Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
