I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it was like his penis was on wheels.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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