Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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