Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
