I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
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I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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