He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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